A Chronic Entrepreneur: Tina McDonald
Tina McDonald is the founder of Avalanche Coaching where she offers services in professional coaching and mentoring for businesses and individuals wanting to explore and reach their potential. Prior to this Tina worked in Claims Management, where she was juggling motherhood, family life, her career and the demands of her chronic illness. When she was in a car accident that further aggravated her conditions, she realised something had to give. That’s when Tina made the decision to prioritise her family and her health, and left her job. What followed was her entrepreneurism which allowed Tina, in her words, to work alongside her conditions, not against them. Now, she makes time for her rewarding career in coaching, alongside making time for her family and listening to her body. Find out more and read Tina’s story below.
What’s your Chronic?
Fibromyalgia, CFS, Hypothyroidism, Arthritis.
Where/when were you diagnosed?
Six years ago, however I was diagnosed with a Hypothyroid at eight years of age.
What does being an entrepreneur mean to you?
It means I can contribute to the family and still have something that lights me up and excites me.
What came first, the chronic or the entrepreneurism?
The chronic condition came first and the entrepreneur was born because of the chronic conditions.
How did this path come to you?
I was managing my conditions and my career well, then I had a car accident that exacerbated the condition. This meant I was no longer able to meet my job’s requirements to my expectations and be anything worthwhile at home. The choice was my job or my family, and it had to be my family. I could no longer do it all.
Did you go through any sort of 12-stages of grief with the diagnosis or take it in its stride? How did the process manifest itself? Did you immediately reassess your life?
Oh, I definitely thought I handled it with ease. I remember telling my friend I was totally ok with it and she just looked at me and I realised I was nowhere near ok. As part of my job I had studied the ‘change curve’ a lot and I had made contact with John Fisher who created the Change Curve, so I was well aware that I was still very securely stuck in denial. It took me a long time to shift through the stages but I feel I’m at acceptance now. Like anything though, I sometimes rotate back into some of the other stages but I’m happy that I end up back in acceptance after a short period of time. I am much more aware now when I am floating between stages though. Each time I have to assess what’s changed, why I feel like that, and then work on moving through them again. Self-awareness is very important.
Did you seek out or join organisations representing your chronic for support or did you find comfort and answers elsewhere? What would you recommend in hindsight?
I joined groups on social media and found most of them very negative and actually contributed to the delay in getting myself up and in control. I found a great pain therapist and two really wonderful groups and when I removed myself from the negativity and stayed within the realms of the positive groups I found much more comfort and support. I did a lot of research online and filtered out the scary stuff. I looked at miracle cures and MLMs and had a ‘will try anything’ approach but ensured I kept my ability to not believe everything I read or was told. I was lucky to have an osteopath who understood the illness and positive friends and a wonderful family so I was able to try herbal remedies, diet changes etc, but I wasn’t caught up in marketing hype or rip off cures. Everything I tried was discussed with someone and researched before I did it. I found they all ‘helped’ but nothing fixed me. Everything I tried gave me some relief but I couldn’t keep them all up. Many of them I dip into when I need too now and then, it’s like a tool box of fixes and they all work on something but nothing works on everything. When I’m having a bad day I can look back and say, ‘Ok, what helped last time?’ then implement the change, get some relief and continue as normal. This approach has helped me to control the ebbs and flow of the condition and, although I still have bad days, most days are within my ability to manage using the tools I have.
How have you changed, if at all, in your relationships, decisions and values?
I think so much of me has changed. I changed a huge amount a few years ago, when I was feeling low and lost and I feel I’m finding myself again. I needed to pull away from everyone, feel low, hit rock bottom, and then decide to find the old me inside the new me. I have decided that I can’t be the person I was, but I don’t have to be a shadow of myself. I’ve chosen to find someone, somewhere in between, using the tools I have. I can still have fun but it’s less hectic. I can work but it’s less hours. I can be a great mum but I can’t do it all and by understanding the new ‘me’, I have come to quite like her.
My relationships are stronger, now that I’m unable to be everyone’s friend and be there for all people all the time, I have reduced my circle of friends which means those who I am around are those I really like, the people who bring out the best in me, who are there for me as much as I am there for them and the people who are worth having in my life. Instead of trying to fit in everyone, I now only have people in my life who I really need. It means the relationships I have are healthier and stronger. Less people but stronger connections.
What is your life philosophy and has this changed?
I think it has stayed mostly the same but developed. I have always been a pretty positive person. My philosophy now is that each day is different and when I have a bad day, it is just one day, tomorrow is different. I don’t allow a bad day to be a bad week or let them interfere with tomorrow. I try every day. Some days I win and some days I don’t, but it’s only one day.
What do you wish you’d known before?
I wish I knew that pacing myself is the biggest benefit to myself. I was trying so hard to do everything and now I know that it’s ok to rest and it’s ok to take care of myself. I need to fill up my own cup before I can serve others.
Are you on any treatments? Why/why not?
I have to take Thyroxine regularly but for the Fibro I take pain relief. I came off the long-term treatments because it meant I was taking tablets even on my good days. I like to manage my days dependant on those days, so I take more tablets on bad days and on good days I might not need to take any at all. It means I am only giving my body what it really needs, when it needs it. I also use heat packs and hot water etc, so it’s not just pills. I try lots of different tools before I take the tablets.
What advice do you have for others starting out on this journey?
Listen to your body, not to your friends/family/work colleagues too much. People will tell you to do nothing, do more, stop moaning or open up. They will tell you about their friend’s neighbour and about every miracle they see on social media. They will also tell you stories of people in wheelchairs and people who can still run marathons. Everyone is different. If you always try to meet other people’s expectations of you, then you will either burn out or over rest and get stuck. If you need to rest then rest, but remember, even though it might hurt, you have to keep moving. Staying in bed or sitting all day just makes everything seize up. It’s about finding a balance for YOU. You have to move but you have to rest and ultimately you have to listen to your body, if you move around because someone tells you to then you may overdo it. If you rest because someone tells you too then you may stiffen up. You want people to support you but you know what your body needs.
What is a ‘bad day’ for you?
A bad day for me is when I am unable to move around the house freely. If I get up and struggle to get to the bathroom in the morning then I know it’s going to be a bad day. I make sure I go downstairs every day, so I can see my kids off to school. A bad day means I am on the sofa and I can’t do anything. A really bad day sees me going back to bed.
What do you do on a ‘bad day’?
I rest, I take my pain killers, I understand I’ve pushed myself too far and my body is fighting back. I believe that movement is key but if it’s a bad day, then I let my body rest. I’ll stay on the sofa with a quilt and sleep or watch TV. Usually I’m unable to concentrate on work or reading so I might do odd little bits on the laptop but usually it’s a total rest day. I try not to allow this to be two days in a row though. If I have a sofa day, I try really hard to make sure the next day I do more, otherwise it’s too easy to slip into the habit of doing nothing and this has a negative impact on your pain and mindset. It isn’t always possible but by starting each day with the effort to get up and go downstairs, then I set each step as the next goal: get dressed, do some work etc. I take each step, one at a time, with no expectation to complete them all. The further I get, the better. Sometimes getting up and getting downstairs is as big a win as I need that day.
How do you deal with stress?
This is really simple but it’s really quite hard to do: I just don’t let things upset me. Any high emotion – happy, sad, angry – can kick off a flare, so I try and make sure if someone is going to make me sad or angry, I avoid it. I avoid upsetting TV shows, I avoid confrontation more, I choose my battles where I can. If it’s not worth the argument then I choose to walk away from it now. This helps with the fact I have reduced my circle of friends, because I only have people around me who I want to be there. Those people who would stress me out, I don’t see often, if at all. You can’t avoid all stress and you can’t avoid all situations, but by ignoring some things, you can choose to be happier. I choose happiness. It’s simple – if something is going to annoy me, I don’t do it. I avoid social media that makes me angry. I don’t get into discussions about subjects that will upset me.
We choose to argue most of the time because we want our opinion or voice to be heard. I have chosen not too. This way I reduce the issues and drama in my life and when I do argue, it’s worth it. I only get upset about subjects that really matter and then the fall out is worth it.
What do you struggle with the most?
Not doing the things I want to do, when I want to do them. I hate relying on people. I was a very independent person so having to wait for my husband to do it, or the kids to do it, is really frustrating. I like to do it and do it now, and I can’t, so I get annoyed with myself. I have developed some ways of avoiding it but it’s probably the one thing I have to work on most.
What are you most proud of?
I was told I’d have to give up work and would end up house bound but I haven’t and I’m not going to. I am there for my family, I love the work that I do, I am helping people each day and it’s worthwhile. I feel proud that each day I get up and I fight another day. I haven’t let it beat me.
Who are your back up dancers?
I have lots, I’m very lucky. I have a wonderful husband and amazing kids who support me every day. I have lovely friends who are here for me, they allow me to moan but not wallow and will tell me to put my big girl pants on when I need it. And my parents and family are amazing for supporting me but not letting me dwell and be self-sabotaging. They will be honest with me, tough when I need it and comfort me when it’s all too much.
Best bits of being a Chronic Entrepreneur?
I understand what it’s really like, so when my clients are feeling like it’s impossible, I can be the proof that it is possible and they just need to keep going. It also means when I need to I can rest and not have to ask for time off or feel like I am letting people down. I don’t have to face looks of pity or annoyance if I need time off or need to rest. I get to work alongside my conditions not against them.
Worst bits of being a Chronic Entrepreneur?
When I want to do something really amazing but my body doesn’t keep up with my ideas. I have so many things I’d like to do with my business but I’m not well enough to do it all. The frustration that I can’t keep up with my head and, because I am self-employed, it is me who has to run it all. There is no one I can pass the work onto (yet). I don’t have anyone at the moment who can take the workload from me, so I am responsible for the whole business.
Are you a 5-year planner or are you winging it?
I love being organised so I have a five year plan but I do have to wing each day. I know where I want to be, I know what I want to achieve but the steps between now and then have a lot of room for ‘spontaneity’. I have to plan my bad days in and hope not to have them.
Dream weekend plans and have these changed?
Time away. I used to love trips out and they take so much out of me that I can’t do it all, so a day trip has to allow for rest before and after, I know a day out means a bad day the next day, and I have to be mindful the day before not to overdo it. So, although I love being out and about, sea life centres and such, they all come with the knowledge that when I wake up the next day I’ll be in pain, which spoils it a little but it’s so nice getting out with the family. The days out are shorter days too. A day at the seaside isn’t a whole day anymore, it’s three quarters of a day as I’m too tired to do the whole day, or if there’s going to be a lot of walking then I need lots of stops or the use of crutches or a chair.
Ultimate dinner party guests?
Amelia Earhart
Michelle Obama
Winston Churchill
What advice would you give your younger self?
Slow down, don’t try to do it all yourself and take better care of your body.
What’s next?
Build on my business, the structure is there and now it’s about really pushing my visibility and getting myself into the businesses and schools. I’d love to do a TedX talk and I’d love to do more speaking events and share my story.
How can people find you?
Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/Avalanche-Coaching-1192490470781558/
Website - http://www.avalanchecoaching.co.uk/
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