A Chronic Entrepreneur: Melissa Pepers
Melissa Pepers was featured on the blog back when it was a 1-year project. She has since generously updated her story in 2021 for ACE readers.
Melissa Pepers describes herself as ‘a business designer and a futurist.’ She’s the founder of Bonbo – where she makes businesses that have never existed before. Melissa shared her story with us and how she’s practising self-love, self-care and letting go of the idea that she has to prove anything to anyone. Melissa has a metabolic myopathy which is a metabolic muscle disorder which can result in muscle weakness, severe pain and exercise intolerance. She also has interstitial cystitis. Melissa has carved out a life that allows her to look after herself while also crafting a career she loves.
What’s your Chronic?
I have two, interstitial cystitis which you can call ‘satan bladder’ and that tells you everything. The other is a metabolic myopathy that there isn’t a diagnosis for. It is similar to glycogen storage diseases which essentially means my muscles struggle to use energy the way other peoples do.
What’s your diagnosis story? How old were you?
Interstitial cystitis has the unfortunate experience of taking a long time to diagnose. I was at the end of high school when I started needing to pee more often than the people around me. Over the next 4-5 years the frequency increased and the pain crept in and got worse and worse. I kept taking all different kinds of antibiotics for ‘UTIs’, except there was never any bacteria in my urine samples. Eventually, I got referred to a urologist who immediately tested me for interstitial cystitis. Then it was a long road of trial and error to work out what treatment could alleviate my symptoms.
For the muscle myopathy, it was really sudden and frightening but I don’t think that I have it anymore even though all the similar illnesses are permanent and usually genetic. It started off in 2017 with a whole bunch of weird symptoms but the most significant was that I was struggling as though I’d done a huge workout but only after small exertion, like a 10-minute grocery shop. Very quickly it got worse and I ended up in hospital after walking from a meeting I had attended in the city back to the creative agency I worked at. I arrived in a lot of pain, tears, and with my legs covered in mysterious bruises. There began many months of different and often invasive diagnostic tests to attempt to discover what I had. I was never able to get a diagnosis but, just like with interstitial cystitis, I engaged in a lot of trial and error and eventually went from being what felt like close to death, to be completely normal and well.
What makes you an Entrepreneur?
I spend my days working with ambitious people to dream up businesses that have never existed before.
How did the path of entrepreneurship come to you?
From a very young age, I wanted to be an inventor, which is kind of what I am today! In primary school, I could often be found drawing designs of different ideas that I had and also charging other children money (haha) for different business ideas that I created. After university, I started my first official business and then worked full time for a while in design before coming up with the blueprints for my current business, Bonbo. Then I quit my agency work and went all-in on what I do now, and have never looked back.
What came first, the “chronic” or the “entrepreneur”?
The entrepreneur came first for me.
What’s your frame of mind like at the moment? How have you survived the pandemic?
Right now I’m feeling pretty great, though it has been a turbulent time indeed. A mixture of luck and hard work have helped me get to a good position. I had just relaunched my business at the start of 2020 after a few years of experimenting with how I could package my unique skills and who I could impact the most with it. Very fortunately it was with digital sessions as an option – who could have known!
The pandemic absolutely had a negative impact on my business and really weakened the launch. What’s worse is at the same time as the global lockdown, I also lost my first pregnancy. Not only that, but I was contending with a parent (who I am estranged from) continuing to harass and bully me with increasing severity. It was a horrible time across the board.
I try to look at challenging circumstances with optimism, determined to use whatever is within my control to be the master of my own fate. From the personal side, I focused on my health and fertility, living very simply, putting energy into therapy, my business and only my closest relationships. I also looked critically at the different relationships in my life and made the important decision to end or reduce energy from those that weren’t mutual or nourishing. This boundary work was crucial and had a flow on effect to every part of my life. In my business, I still grew over that year and was able to create strategies for myself and clients that turn the uncertainties and challenges of a pandemic into business opportunities. I have actually packaged this into a downloadable strategy template on my website, so that others can benefit from these same learnings. A not so humble brag as I’m very proud of it. To top it off, in May my husband Jason and I had a sweet baby girl. Her existence has been the biggest delight of my life.
What have you learnt about yourself through this journey? How have you changed, if at all in your relationships, decisions, what you value/your life philosophy?
I have had, and continue to have so many paradigm shifts. It’s a-ha moment after a-ha moment over here! Chronic illness, business and now parenthood all create the perfect liminal space for transformation, and I made a commitment to myself that I would lean right in. There have been a few themes to these changes and they have in turn formed my top 5 values. They are:
Unique Thinking – This is all about standing in your power, knowing yourself and your truth and not letting anyone else’s crap poison that or create internal turbulence. Every day I am more uniquely and loudly myself and that has created an incredible ripple effect in others around me who are inspired to be more themselves, which then inspires me in a delicious, self-fulfilling mayhem! This plays out in a huge way in my business as I believe every single person is a visionary with a unique perspective of the future, and my process is about uncovering this vision and then using business as a way to bring this future to now so that everyone else can benefit from it.
Fun – This is all about playfulness and joy. Curiosity leads my decisions in every facet of my life. That looks like letting a flow state make up the majority of my business hours. You cannot create an extraordinary business from a place of boredom or stress. It also looks like being open to people surprising you and noticing and savouring life’s little pleasures as there are many to be found for those who are looking.
Involvement – This one is huge and governs my philosophy on relationships. I want deep belonging and intimate connection in all my relationships and I won’t settle for less. It has meant saying goodbye to relationships with emotionally unavailable and emotionally immature people. It has meant working on myself to ensure that I am showing up as my healthiest self and that when I’m with someone, I’m not just physically there but fully present and engaged, something that is hard for many self-starters.
Embodied Self – This value is about energy and vitality. The more I lean into this value the more I discover that intuition is actually what should be in the driver’s seat here. Knowing what environments and people are safe and have mutually nourishing energies and also knowing what I need and where to have boundaries and rest. The result is feeling good in my skin and spending time in the company of other people who feel good in theirs. That includes clients too, I turn away people who aren’t the right energy. There are more than enough incredible people to work with.
Peaceful Expansion – This last value is no less important than all the others. It is about the value of calm. It’s about staying away from chaotic, unpredictable and inconsistent people and stagnant contexts. This goes for me internally as well – we all have good and bad parts to ourselves, what matters are the parts you feed. I nurture my inner calm and clarity and am always looking for ways to grow with peace, softness and kindness as the guiding intention. If I notice stagnancy in myself, it’s time for the next uplevel but in a way that is gentle, not forced. I’m skeptical of the ‘business bro’ culture of sleeping 4 hours a night and hustling non-stop. I don’t think that’s sustainable or necessary for success.
Did you go through any sort of 12-stages of grief with the diagnosis or take it in its stride?
Grief is so complex. My comfort zone is to approach a situation by analysing what is and making a very deliberately crafted strategy on where to next. Grief more or less laughs at that approach. My chronic illnesses and my personal development have all had multiple stages and each one involves multiple types of grief. Grief at the obvious – what cannot be done, what has been taken away. Nostalgic grief – grief for the linear experience of time and that the good parts of each stage of time won’t occur again. And subtle grief – grief at the dreams and fantasies of what I wanted to be true but it just wasn’t. That last one I always find the hardest to recognise and overcome. What helps me is thinking about the very ordinary concept of capacity. What do I have the capacity for? What do others have the capacity for? Is there a gap between capacity and the endpoint? Understanding this makes grief a little easier. It still needs time but at least I can help process it by recognising what parts I can hold, where I need help to fill a gap or where I need to adjust expectations to bring that endpoint closer to me. I never would have guessed that dreams and grief dance with each other as much as they do for me.
What would you say to your ‘first-diagnosed’ self, or someone else who has just been diagnosed with a chronic illness?
I’d give a fierce yet gentle hug and say – one step at a time.
Are you on any treatments? What modalities are in your wellness team?
I’ve been free of medication for about a year now which is a huge milestone and I’m really grateful that I was able to get myself to this stage. How did I get there? On the physical side it was by working out the optimal nutrition for my body, optimal exercise for my body and working with my hormonal cycle. Those three things together have led me to a really healthy place where my symptoms are very manageable. I’ve tried many different modalities, my favourites that I owe the biggest wins to have been naturopathy and exercise physiology. Both of those modalities really moved the needle. For the psychological side a growth mindset and therapy have helped me so much. In particular schema therapy which is all about identifying core beliefs and behaviour patterns and transforming any that are self defeating. I wish every person could access these services from childhood because you don’t have to be unwell to want to thrive.
What is a ‘bad day’ for you? How do you look after yourself on a ‘bad day’ or a day that is particularly stressful?
A bad day doesn’t happen often these days, but if it does it is always the same cause. I have ignored my needs, lived counter to my values and put my body on the line for too long and then I hit a breaking point, the bad day (usually days). If that happens, it is time for a big reassessment and to get back in alignment. Fortunately, I haven’t had that for a long time. I do have stressful days though and the alignment strategy works there too. What I do is take a minute to work out what to say goodbye to. My goal is to simplify what is a priority and then to protect that with boundaries. I don’t worry anymore about whether people get it or not as it is what I need. At the same time, I pay extra attention to looking after my physical wellbeing as the better my body's state is, the better equipped I am to handle that stress. Then I just take it a step at a time and know that it will pass. It always passes.
Who are your backup dancers?
There is the obvious ride-or-dies, my husband, my best friend, and my ‘chosen’ family. But recently I’ve realised there are a lot more backup dancers than I realise and I bet it’s the same for others too. If we feel unsupported or lonely, it’s usually because we’ve surrounded ourselves with people who are emotionally unavailable and also because we’re not connecting genuinely with those around us either. By being present, and present with people who are present with me, I discovered that the world is a flash mob of backup dancers, all wanting to lift each other up. There is more good in the world than the current climate or media would suggest.
Best & worst bits of being A Chronic Entrepreneur?
The chronic part of the entrepreneur is in many ways a gift. It forces me to look after myself, to be aware and prioritise my needs. If I do that I will thrive and then my business does. The entrepreneur part is also great for chronic illnesses as it creates flexibility and control in a far greater way than being an employee does. The worst parts are the bad days and the loneliness of invisible illness. Only other entrepreneurs with chronic illness truly ‘get’ what it can be like, so I really love that A Chronic Entrepreneur exists to bring these stories together. It’s really uplifting and inspiring.
Are you a 5-year planner or are you winging it?
5 year planner for sure, I’m a strategist haha. Always flexible though and the farther away the plans are, the more big picture. So it’s only the really immediate plans that are extremely detailed. I love it.
What are your dream weekend plans and have these changed over the past year?
Very much with starting a family and also with the pandemic. Dream weekend plans are doing one bigger outing with other people, having relaxed time as a family together and also some time to myself to unwind. Simple, peaceful and fun!
Who are your ultimate dinner party guests, (dead or alive), and who would you seat on either side of you?
Ahhh so many interesting people. I’m going to go a bit crazy because it’s my ultimate dinner party! I’d love on one side of me a key political leader from at least 200 years in the future. On the other side Charlie Day’s character in Always Sunny in Philadelphia because I love a wild card adventure. If I have to pick a real, living person, then definitely Baddie Winkle – in her 90s and fierce, she is a vibe!
What are you looking forward to in the next 6 months-1 year?
I’m growing my business in two really exciting ways that I’ve been working and dreaming about for a long time now. The first new direction is a digital product library of courses and resources on creating niche businesses, this type of strategy can’t be found anywhere else so I’m really excited to make it accessible to even more businesses. The second is a digital platform which will be a business marketplace where people will be able to sell unique business concepts and take a permanent cut of any success of their business idea. I’m thrilled with both of these developments and can’t wait to release them into the wild.
Where can people support you online?
My Instagram is where I hang out – come take a peek!
Let us know what you think of this story, and share your story with us on Instagram tagging @achronicentrepreneur and using the hashtag #achronicentrepreneur.
